Ça Plane Pour Moi.......

............. and STAY where i bury you this time!!





And so i start again....... getting more than a little weary of this stop start life that has been bestowed upon me the past year or so...... although if i will rely on cheap grade petrol to get me through the week and neglect topping up the oil reserves....... what can i expect.


Two weeks ago i made a huge decision.
I stopped injecting myself with the drug Avonex which the NHS had kindly agreed to give me. I'd originally been using Copaxone, which was my daily trial-by-acid as far as i was concerned.
My body obviously objected to having a noxious but possibly life altering fluid in it........ and showed it's reluctance to play the game and disgust by coming up in welts......... painful itchy reddened swellings......... and like everything else on my body......... they were large.

Left arm

Right arm......

Right hip........ landing pad obviously........

Once my old injection sites started flaring up with each new injection........ in sympathy no doubt........ i began to find it difficult to keep up the daily routine

I suppose there was always the thought in my mind that i was risking cellulitis and necrosis....... pits and crevices in the flesh........ rotting the very meat on my bones.......

But i already have niccotine for that!! So having emailed photographs of my decaying skin to my MS nurse...... she agreed that i should change drug........ to something my body may find a little less acrimonious.

And so began my love affair with Avonex.......... on my 39th birthday.

It only lasted 5 weeks....... was hot, fevered, painful, debilitating but hope sprang eternal and kept the passion alive..........

Avonex....... sounding more like a heroic but evil minded character from Blake's Seven......penetrated my body once a week. It was intramuscular, not subcutaneous like Copaxone (or should that be Blake - he really DID used to get under my skin....... boring & irritating *yawn*).

Avonex.......... thicker......... longer......... penetrates deeper........... gives you a fever and unable to walk for days........

What woman in her right mind could say no to that??

Well, as proved by ALL my sexual and romantic liasions AND much of my behaviour of the last 39 years........ i'm not actually IN my right mind. Well, whoever it belongs to... can have it back, since it's no use to me........ although there is the possibility that i'm the one who's squatting......... in which case..... it would explain the crack den illusion i sometimes appear to be living

So having spent 5 days a week of the past 5 weeks.......... riddled with fever, chills that sent my body into spasms and drug induced MS relapses........ i phoned the hospital and surrendered.

See this? It's a white flag

I give up

I'm a coward

I can't fight the good fight anymore...........

Anyway....... it was never a fair fight. Typical of most love affairs, Avonex promised me hope, support and a future. Well............ maybe......... in that there was always the possibility that it wouldn't help at all! Yayy! But the excitement of it all...... the rolling of the metaphorical dice......... the will he, won't he be a good thing for me was too much of a tempatation. As with many women..... i thought, hoped that i was the one.........

But i forgot......

Avon......... was the Sci-Fi baddie of them all *boo hiss*

Cool..........intelligent...... aloof........ not above betraying his every friend and crew......... but most importantly......

Dressed in black.

Avonex......... came in a syringe......... nothing sexy about that............ in fact, sounds more than a little perverted to me.

So in an effort to keep my job, my sanity and keep the bailiffs from my door..... i told Avonex that it was over.

Typically, he took the news well.......... i can only assume that he's moved on to the next patient..... and as far as i'm concerned, he's rolled over and gone to sleep......... permanently.

I've recovered from my daliance with him.......... completely. I heard via my MS nurse, that my consultant was ecstatic that i'd recovered completely from my 5 week torture..... apparently, not everyone does........

Well THAT was news to me!

Think the staff may have neglected to proffer that tiny bit of extraordinarily important information before i started the treatment.........

But hey! It's over......... my affairs with Avon and Blake are dead and buried.. it was all too painful and they were more than i could handle.

So i'm left on my own........ again...... waiting to see what the next roll of the dice gives me.......

Snake eyes, no doubt

Which should suit the old hag body the drugs have left me with very well!

I was sent this picture and it reminded me of me........... or at least, me in a couple of years time....... please let me have been sectioned by then......... and not haunting websites looking for sex or companionship......... desperately seeking happiness in the eyes of others.......

I'd need to be sectioned since........ if i had any sense at all.........

I'd still be wearing stockings....... ok so support stockings may well be the only option open to me at that point.......... oh and a mask obviously.........

But until then........ i'm enjoying the life i have........ and if sex, drugs & rock 'n' roll aren't filling my every friday night from here on in........ well, at least two of those if the other friday is anything to go by......... i AM 39 and getting on....... i get tired... and need to get to bed............ eventually.....

I'm not living at all

Ça Plane Pour Moi.......