Walking away from the past.....

....... is hard to do....

But we all have to do it at some point in our lives and sometimes, it's easier not to look back

I've had to do a fair bit of it myself in the last six months or so...... ok, so it's often ended up as a meandering ramble more than just a steadfast walk... but that's women for you..... nothing's ever done in a straight line........... i blame the heels

I suppose the hardest, of sorts, was letting go of an unrequited love i had for someone...... when i say let go, i suppose i really mean ignore.... with me, love has to fade, saying it's not there anymore, just doesn't work, but then i assume that's the same for most. I've finally let go because i've accepted that living in that kind of hope, is more like living in despair..... so the feelings will just sit in the backseat and i'm back in the driving seat with my hand on the proverbial gear stick, so to speak. I wouldn't mind but i can't even drive...... which could explain why i keep finding myself up dead ends and in regular RTAs

Oh well..... drivers tell me that automatic is easier than manual..... and since i've always been a dab hand, literally, at using battery operated devices..... i should be at an advantage, having used a combination of the two for a long time now......er hem....

I've already described my walking away from MS drugs..... and the step into the void that this decision has meant, but little did i think that this void would be such a wide expanse and that i'd be feeling my way across it quite so soon......

Not having established a foothold on this possible gravely slope yet that my health is taking me, i now find myself having to change the location of where i sleep AND where i work........ and it's all happening right NOW......

It's said that moving house is one of the most stressful things to have to do..... but then what happens when you add moving a whole medical library, at the same time, to the equation?

One probably ends up...... cross-legged on the floor...... between the shelves of books..... one hand running it's fingers along the edges of the yellow stained psychiatry texts.... and the other hand..... raised to the mouth...... fingers rapidly strumming lips to the sound of.....blub blub blub blub blub blub.........

So blub blub blub.... i mean, that's where i've been the past week...... well, not running from men in white coats.... YET! but then, they don't wear white coats anymore.......

They say it's because they do not want the patient/client to be intimidated by mental health care staff...... but i know the truth...

It's really because they don't want you to see them coming

But we didn't see them coming............... because they never came.......... or at least stayed

........which is just as well, because if they had, they might have needed coats of armour not white ones......... oh and a net........ a big one......... possibly reinforced

What can i say? Our last Thursday...... our last open for work day EVER on that site..........it is now deceased......... due to be demolished in a matter of weeks.... a dead library.

The Goat (see old guestbook for reference) and i have been there almost 5 years......... and by this i don't mean we've been kept in a crate under the stairs all this time......... we did manage to go home at the end of the working day. We also managed to get through 3 different managers during this time........

Should we take this personally?

Possibly........

Is this a negative?

Possibly........

But the Goat and i survived..... ok, so perhaps it may have had more to do with there not being anyone left that can actually sack us.....

So what does the establishment do? They demolish the building.....

A bit extreme but, even i have to admit..... it's bound to work, even against such worthy adversaries

The weakness in their plan, is that they told us when it's happening......... leaving the Goat and i to return and wreak havoc elsewhere..... and not be picked out of the rabble, bit by bit......

Damn it! I've always wanted to be on the News at Ten..... always wanted my own bong

So Thursday was a day of sadness......... consolidation....... hyperactivity....... laughter and the fervent creation of memories...... most of which belie the established image of librarians..... but epitomised our personal impact on the medical staff, we fondly refered to as punters.....

Oh how we laughed.......

Oh how they laughed.........

Oh how we cried.........

Oh how they cried.........

Oh how they..............reported us for unprofessional behaviour......

But they weren't there to see how unprofessional we were on that fateful Thursday............

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The last time i'd have to try and unknot those fecking evil blinds

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Getting angry and all grrrrr now....

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Pass me the scissors......... and NOT for my wrists....

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Never having pole danced before..... thought it was time to get intimate before leaving

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That's right.... you close your eyes and pretend that no-one could possibly walk into the public place your making a fool of yourself in.....

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And remember........ don't give up on the day job......

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Abject misery.... cack at pole dancing.... having to pack & leaving second home for past 5 years....

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Manic fixed grin.... don't try to stop me.... i can't face leaving!! I can fly.... & if i can't, the men in white coats can catch me....

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My diagnosis as a non-professional is....... err..... i can't fly

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Oh look! NOT dead! Threatening the man in the white coat might not be a good idea.... i DO need a holiday after all.....

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By now, even the man in the white coat decided he didn't get paid enough for this.... er noooooo... you CAN'T leave me!!

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Dragging me across the floor as you try to get away is not big and it's NOT funny! I'm not sure it's professional either.... unlike my behaviour.... obviously

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And so the day ended..... as did our time in the Avery Jones Postgraduate Centre.

Our new location in ACAD is refurbished and has tiled flooring..... which should make my being dragged across the floor a lot easier in future.... and let's be positive! Why pay for a cleaner when you can use a medical librarian instead!

Before leaving.... we thought we'd give the establishment another chance of getting rid of us permanently..... but having already ruined their chances by giving us the demolition dates.... would they spot the obvious target.....

Here's a little clue..... X marks the spot......

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Go on.... shoot the mad cow.....she needs something.... and the tablets obviously aren't working

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I dedicate this blog to The Goat...... who, for the past five years, has been my sounding board, my confidante, my counsellor, my friend and most of all...... the best work colleague i could ever have asked for.

Patient, understanding and a selfless support through all my pain, crises and occasionally, lunatic behaviour.....

Her having the majority of the other photographs of the day, that i NEVER want to be made public..... has absolutely NOTHING to do with the reverence and respect that i have for her

Long live The Goat....... and may i never lose her friendship.......

........ or find she's posted the photos on another website.......