The reason there's so much ignorance is that those who have it are so eager to share it....

.....and so speaketh the politician......

So it comes to this.......... that i have to stand up in the company of my peers - well, at least a couple of you have to be witty and intelligent - and say......

I am.......

a

Librarian.........

Well, ok....... so i am actually a human female first........ and i wouldn't argue the toss with Sartre over the existential nature of my job title meaning more than it does........ which is actually......... nothing.

It's a label......... it's a signifier.......... and it's signified is whatever you accept it to be.

What do i accept it to be?

I'm not sure i accept anything anymore...... yes, that does mean i sniff things before i put them in my mouth and scarily, if i'm drunk enough............. sniff them when they come out again.........

Better to be safe than sorry

Although in those circumstances, i think i'd be safe and sorry

Which brings us back nicely to how to make a librarian sexy........

A name change? as suggested by Alex Aiken.......but to what?

1/Bibliodominatrix

2/Information Alchemist Indagatrix (Latin, f. investigator, explorer)

2/InfoWarrior Imperious Knight of the High Knowledge

3/Information Goddess (/God)

4/Knowledge Hacker

5/BookWench (/BookWretch)

6/Faithful of Wiborada (patron saint of librarians)

7/Chosen of the Information Matrix Infomagineer

8/Lustbrarian

(as suggested by http://davidrothman.net/2006/11/16/librarians-should-be-sexier/ )

What to do?

Well....... after much rumination this past week, i think a more appropriate job title for NHS librarians will now be CLA Biatch ..............

but however suitable this affectation might be......... i can't see it catching on........ shame, since the S&M undertones fit perfectly with the obviously needed sexification of librarians.......

but what do i know.......

Not knowing anything....... i called my line manager, of sorts.......... when i don't know anything, i call him to confuse him with and try to suck him into my vacuum....... and no, i'm not talking hoover appliances, nor their attachments for a change...............

I asked him if he'd seen the article in the Daily Maelstrom and he laughed yes.

But Mike, i whimpered, what am i to do? I can't get any sexier.........

I heard him grin and say I know........

Mike's a kind and supportive soul........ even if he did laugh, he went along with the premise that i was far too sexy for the job as it was......... and didn't add that there was no way that the library budget was going to explode trying to assuage cosmetic surgery invoices to help me meet possible new Librarians Must Be Sexy Guidelines........

But then he knows how to avoid being drawn in to the vacuum........ he IS married........ to a woman....... which helps at times like this.....

Two Fridays ago, i'd called him....... with the usual end of work week gossip, and told him that i had a date the next day with an NHS accountant that i'd only ever spoken to on the phone.....

Mike was paternally concerned and said.......You will be careful, won't you?

My malificently cheeky reply was.........Oh no worries.......... have been to the chemists already......

Mike grinned goodbye....... and i was alone in the vacuum again

Strangely enough.... there's been many a time, i wish i could have literally been sucked into a vacuum........ leaving behind some of the medical library users, who, engorged by their own egos............ at least i hope it's just their egos........ assail my colleague and i with proposals.......

only one being of marriage.......

Most of the others involving meeting in the ACAD toilets for moments of 'privacy' or come out to dinner with me? Why not........... bring your wife

There's much talk in the NHS of Pathways.......... being able to follow patients through their treatment journey to ensure they get to the right place, in the right timescale........ therefore getting the right treatment.......

I've had to create my own pathways whilst at work...... enabling me to get from the right place, in the fastest and most inconspicious way... to avoid being unnecessarily and involuntarily treated by the aforementioned engorged library users, possibly in the ACAD toilets........

Ok, so it's a new hospital....... and i needed to find my way around......... so now i know all the roundabout and secretive routes to just about anywhere!

And hopefully......... no one will be able to find me, unless i want them to, of course........ which would bring us back nicely to the patients..... but that's for the drs & nurses to worry about........ i just have to find the information............ thankfully

See? These new NHS pathways really DO have a function..........

Allowing those medical librarians who are obviously already too sexy for the job........ to avoid their fans............ who judging from their taste in women, should be having CBT to correct their behavioural dysfunction or at the very least, visit the optician.......

Hopefully they'll do this before reading the plea by Mr Aiken and realising that we're not as sexy as they first thought........ or maybe the CBT will show them that they weren't really that desperate.......

Librarians?

Sexy?

Unthinkable